This Is Why

Kat column topper

Why open adoption?

Often this is something others ask us. Sometimes out of curiosity and sometimes because they too will be setting out on an adoption journey.

But sometimes it not someone else at all. Sometimes we might be tired, emotionally and physically. Maybe its after an intense visit or disappointment or during any of the (many) hard bits. And we wonder: why? It could be a fleeting feeling or stick around for awhile.

So for the days you’re asking the question, but not finding an answer I give you this social media exchange (paraphrased to protect the adorable)

SmileyMy Son (age 12): Heading to visit my birth mom

Commenter 1: you’re going to meet your birthmom?

My son: I already met her, I see her twice a year

Commenter 1: how was she?

My son: she’s nice I’ve known her my whole life

I see her twice a year

I’m with her now

What this exchange illustrates for me is he owns his story. This is his normal. His declaration that no I’m not going to go meet her I know her I’ve always known her and we’re gonna kick it.

The undertones of “let me break this down for you extra slowly because for some reason you just aren’t getting it” also make me smile ’cause I know just where he gets that ‘tude.

…Oh yeah and it helps that he thinks I’m nice 🙂

About the author: Kat Nielsen (neé Cooley), MSW writes here at Open Adoption Bloggers twice a month. She previously worked as a social worker providing comprehensive all options counseling to those experiencing unplanned pregnancy and is now pursuing a PhD in Social Work with a focus on adoption related research. She is also a birth mom over a decade into an open adoption. She is always open to suggestions for topics; you can leave them in the comments, at the OAB Facebook page, or tweet her @KMNielsenMSW.

Image credit: pockygallery at

6 thoughts on “This Is Why

  1. LOL ;-O. I’ve had so many awesome moments with my son despite his minimal vocab at age 4. He was standing over the balcony waving an IRON MAN (Look what I got nanny nanny boo boo!!) at the kids downstairs. They yelled “Who gave it to you?” and he said “Kyle! … My BirFdad!” The kids yell: “Oh! Nice!” (They also — at ages 5,8,9 — know all about birthmoms, dads and adoption and it’s just no big deal).

  2. I love for him like my two girls it’s just normal to them, how their lives are 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    • When I asked him about it he confirmed my suspicion about the tone he didn’t get why his friend didn’t get it. Hear hear for the new normal

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