Roundtable #45: Time

OAB RT buttonThe Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don’t need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you’re thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points–please feel free to adapt or expand on them. 

Write a response at your blog–linking back here so your readers can browse other participating blogs–and share your post in the comments here. Using a previously published post is fine; I’d appreciate it if you’d add a link back to the roundtable. If you don’t blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

I always enjoy very general roundtable prompts because of the myriad, often surprising, ways bloggers interpret them in their responses. The Daylight Saving Time change happened this past weekend where I live, so I have been hearing and thinking a lot about time lately. Which brings us to our writing prompt:

Write about open adoption and time.

Here is the HTML code for the Roundtable button up above, if you’d like to use it:

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Excerpts from the responses:

Racilous (first parent) @ Adoption In the City: “Our relationship has it’s own sort of calendar.  We had forty-six hours over three calendar days where we were legally Mother and Son – no qualifiers, no one else, where I was his everything.  But those 46 hours happened 24,434 hours ago, I’ve spent so many more hours as his birth mother than as his legal Mother.”

Momo (adoptive parent) @ Momosapien: “Time is mostly the bearer of expectations in this open adoption. As more time goes by I believe we ought to be closer to LB’s first mom. We ought to have spent more time together. We ought to have scheduled a regular time to see or talk with each other. But, it isn’t like that.”

Robyn C (adoptive parent) @ The Chittister Family: “On the surface, it’s easy for me to say that these people are a$$holes. Discontinuing visits over a name? Complaining of overstepping boundaries when the birth family wants more than 20 measly pictures a year? And I hate to break it to all y’all, but those kids are the birth parents’ kids too! So, yes, if they go on Facebook and write, ‘I got to visit my daughter today!’ they’re right! But I can say that stuff, because I’m 7+ years into open adoption. I’ve had the benefit of time. I know that adoption doesn’t make me less of a parent. I have bonded with my children and I know I will continue to do so.”

Feit (adoptive parent) @ Feit Can Write (and also): “Nine months seem like a long time to wait for a baby, but with traditional pregnancy you have a date that you can point to.  A date you can circle on the calendar and count down to.  A date you (and your employer) can plan around.  People in The Wait do not have the luxury.  The Wait hates planners.”

Dawn (adoptive parent) @ Building Family Counseling: “Listening to my friend’s life pre-reunion — a life that looked very very different than her happy reunion now — reassured me that we don’t have to get it right for forever. We just need to get it right for right now. It reminded me that all we need to do is roll with the inevitable change and live each moment as it comes.”

Artsweet (adoptive parent) @ Artificially Sweetened: “I’m constantly aware of the time that’s passing and wondering how it’s passing differently for us and for Posy’s and P’ito’s birthfamilies. I am more aware of it with Posy just because of the strangeness of time when you have a baby – so much routine: bottle, feed, diaper, nap, diaper, bottle, feed – and yet so much newness happening all the time.”

Kim (first parent) @ These Are the Days: “And all the while, my son’s parents never stood next to each other. Instead, they took turns walking with each one of us. Talking, walking and blending our families together. Spending time talking with each of us. They were mindful of their time then and they are still to this day. Whenever we all get together – which is once or twice a year – it’s not forced or rushed. Rather, it’s enjoyable. And it makes our time together that much more precious.”

Kerry (adoptive parent) @ Love Makes Us a Family: “In the last couple of months, Lizzy has started having some one-on-one time with Keetly (her birthmom).  In January, they had a girls day at Keetly’s house and in February they went out on a ‘date’ for Valentine’s Day.  I see these one-on-ones becoming a regular part of Lizzy’s life.  When we first adopted her, I never would have pictured doing this.  I didn’t imagine we would have the type of relationship where I would feel comfortable dropping Lizzy off at Keetly’s house for a day.  I’m so glad that we do!  Lizzy really loves the one-on-one time that they spend together.”

About the author:
A mother by open adoption, Heather Schade is the founder and editor of Open Adoption Bloggers. She writes at Production, Not Reproduction.

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16 thoughts on “Roundtable #45: Time

  1. Pingback: OART #45 Adoption and Time | Adoption in the City

  2. Hi I participated in an open adoption that turned into a closed adoption not by choice,the couple who adopted my daughter lied to me.They decided to cut me out.so I will continue to type on my facebook page .I also have copies of every letter I wrote to her adopted parents asking for visits and ignored.Last xmas presant I sent her they sent it back.I have it wrapped and waitingfor her.Im getting ready to send her easter presant they send it back i’ll save it to .They were suppose to keep our relationship parallel to each other till she was an adult and they reneged she does’nt know me.It hurts birthmothers are treated like the worst things on earth.

  3. Pingback: Open Adoption Roundtable #45: Open Adoption and Time | The Chittister Family

  4. Pingback: I’ll Wait Forever | Feit Can Write

  5. Pingback: Open Adoption Roundtable #45: Time | These Are The Days

  6. Time is going by every day; we wish our daughter’s birth mother would respond to outreach attempts by the adoption sw to meet. She initially said she wanted to meet us and see K (who has been with us since she was two days old), had been receiving our pix and notes, but has been mia for a least 6 months. We want our daughter to be able to know her and any other bfamily, we want to have a relationship or at least a connection on some level. K is 13 months old now; we pray that one day soon we will meet her bmom.

  7. Pingback: Open Adoption Roundtable #45: Time | Wenrich Family Adoption: Becoming a Family of 4

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