Open Adoption Roundtable #5: How Has Open Adoption Changed You?

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don’t need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even have a traditional open adoption. If you’re thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table.

Publish your response during the next two weeks–linking back here so we can all find one other–and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don’t blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

I had a roundtable question all ready to go, one that was a little more topical, a little less personal than some of the other ones. But I’m feeling all sorts of introspective today. And I’m going to drag invite the rest of you there with me.

I’ve been chewing on a recent post by Dawn of This Woman’s Work about how openness has come to define the very core of what it means to mother her daughter. Go read it, if you haven’t yet. It has me mulling over the ways openness has challenged, shaped and guided how I think of family and identity–ultimately changing how I see myself. For me, that has been one of the most gratifying and the most challenging thing about open adoption.

How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life?

I also want to invite anyone who practices openness but is unable to have contact to participate. (You are always welcome, but people have said they hesitate and I just wanted to make it explicit.) Contact definitely puts a different spin on things, but it’s the “why” of open adoption that is often so transformative. And anyone can embrace the “why,” even if contact is ruled out by circumstances or other people’s choices.

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Jess of The Problem With Hope shares how open adoption taught her kindness, compassion and acceptance.

Ginger at Puzzle Pieces says adoption changed not only how she interacted with other adults, but also with the daughter she was parenting.

Spyderkl at Evil Mommy shares how open adoption upended the meaning of “our daughter”–for the better.

Valerie of From Another Mother tells how openness–in her own adoption and in her son’s–blurred the lines of “family” and let her pour out her love.

Thanksgivingmom at I Should Really Be Working talks honestly about the insecurity and worry that have accompanied open adoption for her.

Luna at life from here tells how openness has made her more honest, present and empowered as an adoptive mother.

KatjaMichelle of Therapy is Expensive shares how her experience placing her son forever changed the way she approaches decisions.

Karlinda realizes that open adoption is teaching her to let go, even as they are waiting to adopt.

Rredhead at the Adoption.com domestic infant adoption blog tells how she’s become more aware of the perspectives of different birth families and adoptees.

Cindy.psbm says adoption may not have changed her at all.

M de P of Reservado Para Futura Mamá shares how open adoption put to the test who she thought herself to be.

Andi of The Many Faces of KJ says open adoption made her see how interconnected we are in this life.

Lavender Luz at Weebles Wobblog shares how open adoption forced her to think with her heart and not just her head

Jenna of The Chronicles of Munchkin Land says the process of making open adoption work has brought changes both good and bad: more compassion, but less trust.

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21 thoughts on “Open Adoption Roundtable #5: How Has Open Adoption Changed You?

  1. @therapyisexpensive – Yeah, I realize this one is a little challenging. Sorry about that. But I've loved what's come out of it so far.

  2. I think open adoptions should happen because closed adoptions leave too many questions unanswered for all involved in adoption. My fears of the unknown concerning my daughter who was placed for adoption in 1991 are sometimes just too much for me.

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