Open Adoption Roundtable #2: Fathers

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It’s designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don’t need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even have a traditional open adoption. If you’re thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table.

Publish your response during the next week–linking back here so we can all find one other–and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don’t blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

Our second assignment on this Father’s Day weekend (at least here in the U.S.): Write about the father(s) in your family’s open adoption(s). Our experiences are too varied to narrow it down to one specific question to answer. But every adoption involves at least one father. Write about his presence or his absence, record a memory or write him a letter. Tell us about the dads and the adoption-related choices they’ve made.


Thanksgivingmom at I Should Really Be Working confronts her feelings about having to share motherhood of a daughter who will only ever have one father.

Ginger of Puzzle Pieces talks about her very different relationships with her four daughters’ fathers: three by adoption and one by birth.

Spyderkl at Evil Mommy honors what her daughter’s two fathers have given to her.

Lavender Luz of Weebles Wobblog sends out a Father’s Day message to her children’s fathers–both the ones present and one absent.

Tammy at You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya… confronts the absence of her children’s birth fathers with painful honesty.

Arcadia of Look Beneath the Skin looks through the many dads in her complicated family tree: the father who raised her while keeping her adoption a secret, the birth father with whom she reunited, her placed daughter’s adoptive and biological fathers, and the intended father of her surrogate baby.

Cindy.psbm looks back at her son’s birth and placement and considers the role his birth father played.

Tracey of Grace Comes By Hearing acknowledges the anonymous men who fathered her husband and son, and the dads who stepped in to take their place.

Jenna of The Chronicles of Munchkin Land considers the different blessings her daughter receives from the many fathers in her life.

Mama2Roo at Letters to a Birthmother writes a touching letter to her son’s absent birth father, longing to know more about him for the sake of her son.

Thorn of Mother Issues writes about her partner’s first dad, a man who was present enough to be known but not enough to be a father.

Leigh at Sturdy Yet Fragile wonders about her daughter’s birth father could have shown lack of interest in the eight years since her birth and placement, and worries about what that may communicate to their daughter one day.

Valerie of From Another Mother honors four fathers: her adoptive dad and the birth dad who never forgot her, her son’s adoptive father and the birth father who showed his care for him.

Robyn at the Domestic Infant Adoption Blog creates a tribute to her husband’s loving care of their son.

Andi-bo-bandi of The Many Faces of KJ struggles honestly with her feelings about the birth father who wanted nothing to do with her adopted son.

Jess at The Problem With Hope expresses the hurt that comes when a father’s words don’t match his actions.

Okiemunchkinsmom at But, Aren’t You Afraid? writes a lovely tribute to her children’s father.

Lassie of Eggs Benedict Arnold takes stock of her feelings about her daughter’s first father. “…I don’t like or dislike J. I respect him, I’m grateful to him, I honor his place in my family, but I don’t know enough about him or the year he spent raising LL to say I like him. I am, however, open to liking J.”

M de P of Reservado Para Futura Mamá talks about her approach to the difficult topic of her daughter’s anonymous birth father.

And I remember the night my son’s first dad became a father.


25 thoughts on “Open Adoption Roundtable #2: Fathers

  1. Open adoption is very important to all parties that are involved in the adoption process.

    Open adoption is quickly becoming more accepted every day.

  2. Oh, Heather! I don't feel obligated. It just makes me consider things that I may not like to think about. 😉 It is GOOD for the soul. If I found that I didn't want to write about a topic, I wouldn't.

    Thanks for the catalyst.

  3. Pingback: Open Adoption Roundtable #49: Adoption and My Father | The Chittister Family

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